The Jersey Kill's Florida Christmas Vacation

Yeah, I know I haven't posted in a while... and not from a lack of priceless material, because there's always plenty of that to go around.  I've just been busy and in a pre/post-election sour mood. 

So The Mrs. got this idea in her head (I'm sure it was the voices) that the Kill family needed to travel (by air) on the worst travel week of the year to sunny Florida for a Christmas vacation. She booked the flights, rented a house and made arrangements to meet up with her childhood friend T and T's family, who flew in from Germany. All right - fine, I'll go to Florida for Christmas.  The first time in my life that I wasn't home for Christmas.  The Boy and his main squeeze "L" were home from school, so both of them, along with The Mrs., me and the Pudge took this trip. 

To start the trip off, on the day before the flight I got a 24-hour stomach virus (that apparently is all the rage now).  It hit me on Friday while I was in the office.  I ended up puking in a trash can.  Fortunately, I was fine by the time I got on the plane the next afternoon.  We flew Southwest through Nashville, and even though we were 45 minutes late taking off, the pilot made up most of the time, we made our connection and arrived in Tampa on time.  We had 6 bags checked and all arrived safely (and free on SouthWest - I like this airline).  Oh, this is priceless too.  The Mrs. packed a carry-on bag for me to...carry on...that was full of Christmas gifts that The Mrs. insisted on taking down so "the kids will have something to open on Christmas day".  Unbeknown to me, two of the gifts were nerf guns. So as I'm waiting for my bag to come out of the scanner, I hear the TSA agent call out "Gun check!", my friggin' jaw dropped.  I thought I was going to jail, or at the very least, that a body cavity search would be involved.  The TSA agent was very nice about it, unwrapped the two boxes, saw that they were hermetically sealed toys - and sent us on our way.

We rented an SUV and drove down to Anna Maria Island - a small barrier island southwest of St. Petersburg.  By the time we got the keys for the house from the realtor's drop box and found the right house (got it on the 2nd try - I hope we didn't scare the people down the street too badly), we were unloaded and in bed by midnight.

The house was nice.  Three bedrooms, 3 baths, kitchen and a heated pool.  It was on one of the main drags into the island, so there was a lot of traffic noise, but I tried to keep myself drunk enough that it didn't bother me.  We were only one block from a nice beach that had an outdoor cafe and bar.  But the weather, well that wasn't the Christmas-in-Florida weather we had in mind.  It only rained once, but it was pretty cold.  The 2 warmest days got into the low 70s, but with high winds.  I stood on the beach a couple of times with my feet in the 60 degree water, but that was it.  I never got the bathing suit out of the suitcase.  The kids swam in the pool twice, but the air was just too cold.



The Mrs., the Pudge, L, the Boy and me doing a Segway pitstop.

 We did a bunch of touristy things, the most interesting being a one hour Segway trip.  I've never ridden one of these things before, but after 10 minutes of instruction and practice, it was a lot of fun.  This was the highlight of the trip.

The other damper on the trip was - stomach virus.  The one I had went through the entire family.  The Boy had it for 2 days and I never saw someone puke and crap (a couple of times simultaneously) as much as he did.  But the Pudge got it in the most spectacular way imaginable.  Christmas day, we went to the Columbia Restaurant in Sarasota.  We had advanced reservations and it's a good thing we did.  It's a Cuban restaurant that's been there for 100 years and was frequented by Marylin Monroe and Joe DiMaggio back in the day when they were a couple.  The place easily holds 300 people - and it was packed.  There were 8 of us and it was a very nice dinner.  I finished paying the bill and we were about to leave when the Pudge came back from the bathroom, sat down on the bench seat between our table and the next table and proceeded to projectile vomit all over the floor.  I heard several ooohs and eeews as The Mrs. grabbed him and took the Pudge and everyone else, but me, out of the restaurant.  I apologized profusely to the waiter and people at the adjacent tables, reassuring them it was a stomach virus and not he food.  I then made a hasty retreat, going past the maître d' station where the crowd had parted because of a second deposit that the Pudge left there on the floor (it was covered in linen napkins).  He threw up one more time after we got home - all over his bedroom floor.  The Boy woke up The Mrs. and me and then went back to retrive his sneekers, which a little splatter on them.  Didn't offer to help with the cleaning at all - typical.

The Mrs. and L got the virus too, but not near as bad as the boys.  The rest of the trip was uneventful...until we flew home...because it was USAir.  The direct flight left on time and arrived early and I thought, "this is great, I always have bad experiences with USAir".  Then we got down to baggage claim.  Everyone on the plane was waiting at the assigned carousel, only to be told by a porter that our luggage was 3 carousels down.  It's freaky how many times this has happened to me with USAir at Philadelphia.  No exaggeration - 75% of the time the bags will be on a carousel that is different from the one listed on the monitor.  And it will take a minimum of a half hour for the bags to get there - WORST BAGGAGE HANDLING PERIOD.  And this time around, 5 out of 6 bags were damaged.  That's over 80% of our bags damaged including L's brand new $400 designer one that she used for the first time (2 of 4 wheels were ripped off).  And they charged us $160 to boot.  So now we're fighting with USAir to repair or replace them, which included the Boy making a trip to the airport the next day to drop the empty bags there.

An interesting side note while we were in the baggage claim office.  A man came walking in carrying a rifle case - and he was pissed.  Gun cases are supposed to be hand carried and delivered to the owner in baggage claim.  He found his circling on one of the carousels where anyone could have grabbed it and walked out the door (there was no mistaking what it was).  And no one in the office, including a Philadelphia police officer, seemed to care.  "We'll make a note of it" was the answer he got.  I wonder how many times this has happened?  The Mrs. was so horrified that she called the airport the next day to report the incident.  Only to be told it was a USAir problem and she would have to call them.  She gave up after hearing that.

So there you have it, the misadventures of the Kill family on their own version of Christmas Vacation.  It's even money we'll do it again next year.

Addendum:  I've been sitting on this story for a couple of weeks in the hope of getting some pictures, but The Mrs.  has them on her camera and she hasn't downloaded them to the computer.  So I'm letting this story go with just the one picture.  Sue me!

The Kill Family Night on the Town (UPDATE)

Well, I received the Kill Clan Family photo with Patty Duke. I won't identify everyone, but you can probably figure out who's who (I'm the mustached mutant on the left).



And my family is having a lot of fun with my sister and this gem. That's my head sticking out of my sisters back. Kind of freaky if you ask me.

The Kill Family Night on the Town

"But they're cousins,
Identical cousins all the way.
One pair of matching bookends,
Different as night and day."


That is the tune that was playing in my head all night long when the Kill family recently went to the Big Apple to attend a charity dinner that featured none other than - Patty Duke. But first, some of the back story (sit right back and you'll hear a tail...wait, wrong show - but this gets a little long). My sister, L is a member of the board of directors for a New York based charity known as ICL:

The Mission of the Institute for Community Living Inc. (ICL) is to assist individuals and families affected by or at risk for mental and developmental disabilities with services and support designed to improve their quality of life and participation in community living.

ICL celebrated it's 25th anniversary and tapped my sister to be the board member "Gala Chair". She said her company bought a table for the event and she invited me and the Mrs, my 2 brothers and their wives, my other sister and her husband and a friend to go with her. Truth is she was nervous about it, wanted some moral support from the family and I know she paid for the table out of her own pocket, which was a lot of money I'm sure. The Mrs chose not to go for reasons known only to her, but I will tell you she missed a great time.

The evening started in a Greyhound parking lot (yeah I know but it was convenient) where we were met by a white stretch limo that my sister hired to take us to and from NYC. My brother-in-law G brought the beer and wine. There were 9 of us and the car held 10, so it was a little crowded but comfortable.

The whole ride up my sister briefed us on what not to do or say in the presence of Ms. Duke. We were not to ask her about her identical twin - Kathy Lane (some show trivia for you). And we were not to ask her about metal illness - specifically hers.

Now driving to NYC is a crap shoot. You never know what the traffic will be like within 20 miles of the city. On a good day you can make it in under 2 hours; a bad day will take you 4 hours. We needed to be there at 5:30, so we left at 3:00. Our driver Frank got us there in an hour and 45 minutes. We drove past the World Trade Center construction site to get to our destination - the Ritz Carlton Hotel.

We sat at the bar for about a half hour, enjoying the beautiful hotel. I was tempted to take a picture of the men's room (for Heff) because it is the nicest one I've ever been in, but I thought that would be - gauche. My sister L picked up the bar tab too.

We then went up to the 14th floor bar and outdoor terrace. The view is spectacular and the weather was perfect (mid-70s). You could see the Hudson River, the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island and just about everything else NYC has to offer. Some of the Hors D'oeuvres they served were stuffed artichokes (good), crusted braised beef (very good) and tuna tar-tar on tortilla (kind of bland).

The view from the 14th Floor balcony.




After about a half hour, the sea of people parted and there she was - Patty Duke. The first thing I notice is that she is tiny. IMDB has her height listed as 5'-0" but I will tell you she's got to be like 4'-10", maybe 85 pounds. The girls think her dress is size 0. She came over to our group and met with sister L first (because she's a big deal board member) and then introduced herself to each of us individually. She was extremely gracious and chatted about her visit that day to one of ICL's facilities. And I heard almost nothing she said, just that friggin Patty Duke Show tune in my head.

And here she is. The blond in the pictures is my sister L. She looked very nice in her black evening dress. I don't get to see her all dolled up that often.
These are all of the board members and VIPs.




Afterwards, we went down to where the banquet room was set up. Outside they had a silent auction of paintings, jewelry and sports memorabilia - none of which I could afford. One guy at our table won a Joe DiMaggio autographed ball - for $500.

Here's the swanky banquet room and table setting.



The dinner was very good. Here's the menu and some of the plates. The only thing that I didn't like was the lobster tail. Mine was extremely overcooked (to the point of mush).







My sister L went up on stage 2 different times. Here was my view of the stage. Not the best seat but hey, it was free.



She only messed up at the very end when she said "Frank you very much". No doubt thinking of the limo driver (who incidentally reminded me of Dennis Farina for some reason).

Patty Duke spoke for about 15 minutes discussing her bouts with manic depression and how she saw some of the residents at the ICL facility re-enact a scene from the miracle worker. And all of the actors were blind (kind of funny but actually touching). After the program was over, she stuck around and talked with people and even signed some autographs. She seemed to be a genuinely nice person.


The front of the Ritz-Carlton as we left.

Our ride home.


The cool lights in the limo. So there you have it. We left about 9:30PM and Frank had us back to the Greyhound terminal before 11:00PM. A good time had by all. There was a professional photographer at the event who did a group shot of Patty and the whole Kill family, so if I get that picture, I'll post it.

Can't get that tune out of your head, can you? Me neither - don't bother to thank me.

MUTE MONDAY - HELL (or why I am the way I am)